Paul Ferraresi

We have just passed the halfway mark for this year. Those “Lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer” seem to take over our entire lives. The kids are out of school and vacation time is on people’s minds.

Just six months ago you made out a list of your goals for this year. You were filled with enthusiasm and an unquenchable thirst to complete every one of them. It has been shown that just “making a list” does ensure some of your goals will be completed. Unfortunately, for most people, life just gets in the way. Too many people have so many goals with no set timetable that your brain just shuts down and nothing gets done.

Rather than following the “typical” year, and lifetime, for most people….how about trying something else….a different approach. Heck, you have nothing to lose.

1) Pull out your January 1st list of goals.

• Cross off those that you have completed – congrats!
• Next, cross off those that do not seem to strike your fancy anymore

2) With the remaining list, choose one, just one, of your short term goals that you wanted to complete this year. Let’s say it is….lose 12 pounds by year end.

3) Now write that goal on 4-5 index cards. Place the cards on your desk, mirror, office, etc. so you constantly see it.

4) Now break the goal down into small parts (How do you eat an elephant? Hmm one bite at a time). Let’s see, 12 pounds over the next six months is two pounds per month, or ½ pound per week.

5) Now weight loss is easy math….simply…..less “guz-in-tahs” into the body (food) and more “guz-out-tahs”, namely, exercise (burning calories).

6) Now, lay out your plan of the little changes you will do each day to reach this goal. Let us say, eliminate 200 calories per day and burn, say, and extra 200 calories per day. Look at your food consumption daily, google to find out the calorie amount and decide upon the tiny change that is needed to eliminate 200 calories. None of these starvation diets are needed!!!! Lastly, find out how much brisk walking (or other exercise) is needed daily to burn 200 calories.

You will be shocked how your goal can be met.

Now before you start this program, you must write out….”Why” you are trying to reach this goal. Maybe it is to get into a new outfit, or because you want to get in shape and live longer. Whatever the main “why” is….write it down. You see, when the “why” is strong enough, then the “how” is easy.

The “why” will be the inner path that will get you up early to “walk” on the days you want to hit the snooze button and not “exercise.”

Ah yes, discipline or regret.

A great percentage of the population has prejudices or “hang-ups” about money. Some have been inherited from childhood, and others acquired from peers. A better understanding of these “hang-ups” can help us all manage our financial resources more effectively.

• Lack of Confidence

“I can’t” (manage my money).

“I definitely can’t” (make informed investment decisions).

“I don’t know how to” (find out what I want to know – and even if I did…)

“I couldn’t trust myself” (to interpret the information correctly).

“I’ve never had to” (pay the bills on my own).

“I’m not sure if I can” (follow through).

A lack of confidence is not confined to one sex, but it has been more prevalent in women. Regardless of the changing roles, some women still feel that showing competency in financial situations is unfeminine. Many men still maintain complete control of the family finances, however poorly they may manage them. While these relationships are shifting, lack of confidence discourages learning new information and skills.

• Overconfidence

“I already know what I need to do” (there is little new I can learn).

“I’ve been managing my money very successfully for years” (I really do not need any help).

The opposite of underplaying financial competence is knowing all the answers. This is more common with men. They have been told they are expected to know it all – the masculine mystique. In many cases, the financial situation has been handled well, but can be improved upon.

• Sequential Thinking

“First I must take care of this and when that is done, I will take care of that….”

This type of thinking is typical of the couple who cannot plan for retirement until the children finish college, or the affluent young adult who cannot set aside money for emergencies and take care of paying current obligations.

• Procrastination

Desire for perfection. “Unless I can make X percent on this investment, I won’t go into it.” “Unless you can guarantee that I will earn X amount by this date, I just won’t act.”

Sequential thinking. “I will act as soon as I have all the facts.” “The economy straightens itself out.” “When I get a raise.” “When my spouse gets a job.”

Avoidance of painful subjects. “I can’t think about dying or buying insurance.” “I don’t want to think about becoming disabled.”

The perfectionist fears discovering a financial decision was not the best possible move. Sequential thinkers and procrastinators have an inexhaustible supply of reasons; there will always be another contingency.

The person avoiding painful subjects will delay acquiring adequate insurance because he or she is unable to think about death or the possibility of disability.

• Lack of Definite Goals

“I put long hours in every day; I just don’t have time for anything else.”

People without goals are not shiftless or lazy, just extremely shortsighted. Some continue to work 10 to 14 hour days both bragging and complaining about the long hours, but with no plans to change or upgrade their circumstances.

• Goal Confusion

“I don’t have enough money to travel.” “I can’t seem to plan for my vacation.” “I never have the money to do what I really want to do.”

Some people know exactly what they want – a vacation in Europe or Mexico, maybe the purchase of a second home – but they have never had the money to reach their goals. They allow secondary goals, eating at gourmet restaurants or buying expensive gifts to pre-empt their primary goals.

To help solve these six money hang-ups, talk with a professional. Recognition of the problem is the first step toward a solution. A financial advisor can suggest a number of ideas to help overcome money mismanagement.

I have worked with couples in their comprehensive financial planning for more than 37 years. It is amazing how “money struggles” emerge and create conflict with our money partner for life.

Men were once the main “bread winners” and many today feel they should have complete decision making authority about the couples’s spending, saving and life goals. Women, typically, are socialized to share decision making, no matter who makes more money.

These conflicts may come about as opposites attract. (Funny I always have seen a spender marry a saver. Rarely, do you see two spenders marry or two savers marry).

Research has found that couples may be polarized in seven behaviors.

Conflict No. 1: Saver vs Spenders
The market meltdown, credit crunch, and job insecurity all give Savers an edge today. However, a more frugal lifestyle will increase Spenders need to soothe or reward themselves for the stress it causes them. As a result spenders in power-struggle relationship may well feel even more judged and controlled. Instead of continuing to sacrifice for a day that may never come, they may rebel and sneak gratification now.

Conclict 2: Worrier vs. Avoider
The financial crisis will intensify the stress modes of these money types, a common couple’s polarization. Right now, many Worriers are cringing at the latest market news and losing sleep to visions of bankruptcy, while Avoiders blithely ignore financial headlines and file their 401(K) statements unread.

Conflict 3: Planner vs. Dreamer
In a Couple whose stored-up resentments typify the power struggle dyamic, Dreamers will fantasize about life where work is no longer central. They may want to travel to exotic places, sell the house and buy an RV or start a whole new direction. Meanwhile, their Planner spouses are trying to calculate a retirement budget, estimate portfolio yield, or, chart their Social Security Options.

Conflict No. 4: Money Monk vs. Money Amasser
This is one of the hardest couples’ oppositions to heal. Money Monks tend to look forward to retirement as an opportunity to simplify life and give it more meaning and purpose, far away from the corrupting influence of money. Their Amasser partners, on the other hand, will be focused (possibly even obsessed) with growing their assets so they can feel more successful, powerful, happy, and secure.

Conflict 5: The Risk Taker vs. The Risk Avoider
In the The Third Age, The Risk Taker (often male) may want to sell everything and buy a boat to sail around the world. The Risk Avoider, by contrast, may prefer to deep her attachment to home, family, and friends rather than radically changing her life.

Conflict 6: Money Merger vs. Money Separatist
When a wife inherits money from a relative she may want to keep some or all of it separate. If her husband has been the primary breadwinner so far and the couple has totally merged the rest of their money, his reaction is likely to be hurt and anger: “All these years when I made most of the money, you were fine sharing it. Now you finally have some money to share, and you want to keep it to yourself?” He may perceive her as selfish and unfair, and fear that she doesn’t trust him or is even planning to leave him.

Conflict No. 7: Polarizing and Different Priorities
Most people are a blend of these money styles. In addition, just about any couple will take the opposite stances on individual priorities. This may be because of their different goals. For example, he wants to go to graduate school and she would rather contribute that money to a Third World Country.

Whatever their polarization, both spouses need to become equal partners for the sake of a successful intimate relationship. Power and decision – making should be shared, no matter who is still working and who isn’t, and no matter who makes or made the most money.

July 1st is the half way mark of the year. Ah, those, lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer are upon us. Just 6 months ago you and everyone else were filled with excitement and enthusiasm for the New Year.

The slate had been cleaned fresh and you listed out all the dreams and goals you wanted to accomplish this year. How have you done? Hmmm! We are at the half way mark heading to the finish line. Have you looked at the goals you drafted out on a weekly basis? Have you tried to do one thing each week to get closer to that goal?

With six months remaining in the year, if you have not moved ahead on any or few of your goals it may look overwhelming. This is when people quit. NO! Take one of your goals on your list and let’s at least work on this one. Say your goal was to lose 10 pounds this year. If you have had no progress then, let’s try to lose just two (2) pounds by year end. (The real deadline will be November 1st because you know it can be difficult to lose weight over the holidays.) Do not worry about the weight. Just write down one thing that you will accomplish this week to get closer to that goal. For instance, think about a healthier life style, say, I will walk an extra 200 steps every day. That’s it. Next week add one more accomplishment to the above; for example, I will replace one of my meals with only fruits and vegetables this week. If you add one new item each week it will not be overwhelming and you will more than surpass the goal of losing 2 pounds.

You know, my wife has never competed in team sports in her life. Over a year ago she started attending a woman’s boot camp. Each morning she got up at 5:30 am with me and she headed off to her torture camp while I did my own routine. At first it was difficult but she moved ahead. She incurred a stress fracture on her foot and was in a “boot ” for about six weeks. To mark time during the boot phase she worked with a trainer at a gym. Continuing on her new “health kick” she next decided to join a woman’s running group after only one year of the boot camp. Well, she is still doing the boot camp, on track to do her first half marathon this January, works a minimum 60 hours per week, is doing strength training, and, has to live with me (that is a boot camp all on its own). She encountered, in her running, a re-injury of her stress fracture and numerous muscle pulls with much pain. She is dedicated and can “see the finish line”! You see, she has added a little bit every day. I am so proud of her and cannot wait to see her at the finish line. She is the model of a true winner.

In closing, may I stay on the topic of your health? As a start, visit www.adultfitness.org. You can take the President’s challenge which will give you a health base line. Also, I found a web site run by Dr. Michael Roizea who follows the concepts of holistic medicine. He has a quiz that allows you to determine your “true age” versus your “calendar years”! It is a simple quiz that takes a few minutes.

You see, one of Dr. Roizea’s patients, a smoker, took the test and found he was 10 years older than his calendar years of 47. It showed he was 57 which was the age the patient’s father had died at. So, with a few small changes the patient has subsequently now reduced his calendar age. Go to www.realage.com, sign in and take the quiz. It will be a eye opener. On the home page hit the drop down menu at “my real age”, then hit “Take the real age test.” Take the quiz. It is free. I think “getting younger than you are” may be a great goal to work on for the rest of this year Remember what Satchel Paige said…how old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

I look forward to seeing YOU at the finish line with all of the other winners.

One of my mentors, Jim Rohn, repeated successful strategies I had once learned. This catapulted me to higher levels! Here are some excerpts from his writings….

So, what are some good ideas on developing a plan that will work well and take you to the finish line powerfully and in style? Here are some major points to keep in mind.

Develop the Plan for You. Some people are very detail oriented and they will be able to follow an intricate plan closely. Others are a little more “free-wheeling” and not really “detail” people. That is okay too. In all the years of my speaking to audiences worldwide, people have asked the question, “what plan is the right plan?” And my answer, the plan that fits you. Your plan, the one you develop that is unique to you and for you. You see, each of us is unique and motivated by different factors and you’ve got to develop one that is right for you and fits you. Some plans will not be as intricate as others but we all must have a plan, along with goals in that plan, to move us along the program. If you are a free spirit type, don’t tell yourself you are going to spend 2 hours a day with a book and tapes and journal. It probably won’t happen and you will get discouraged! Whatever your personality, your strengths and your weaknesses, develop the plan around them! This is not a one-plan-fits-all proposition.

Establish Times to Spend Working on the Material. It may be every Sunday night. It may be 20 minutes each morning. It may be in the car listening to the CD’s every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Whatever it is, set the times to do it. In your step-by-step plan, put down points that you can accomplish every week. They should be specific and achievable. Develop the discipline and take those steps everyday, which will move you closer to your goals and where you want to be.

Keep a Journal. Take notes. It may be on paper, it may be on micro-recorder. Mr. Shoaff taught me not to trust my memory, but write it down, to find one place to gather the information that affects change. And that advice has served me well all these years. Record the ideas and inspiration that will carry you from where you are to where you want to be. Take notes on the ideas that impact you most. Put down your thoughts and ideas. Brainstorm with yourself on where you are going and what you want to do. Record your dreams and ambitions. Your journals are a gathering place for all the valuable information that you will find. If you are serious about becoming wealthy, powerful, sophisticated, healthy, influential, cultured, unique, if you come across something important write it down. Two people will listen to the same material and different ideas will come to each one. Use the information you gather and record it for further reflection, for future debate and for weighing the value that it is on you.

Reflect. Create time for reflection – a time to go back over, to study again the things you’ve learned and the things you’ve done each day. I call it “running the tapes again” so that the day locks firmly in your memory so that it serves as a tool. As you go through the material in this plan, you will want to spend time reflecting on its significance for you. Regularly set aside time – here are some good guidelines for times to reflect: At the end of the day. Take a few minutes at the end of each day and go back over the day – who’d you talk to, who’d you see, what did they say, what happened and how’d you feel, what went on. A day is the piece of the mosaic of your life. Next, take a few hours at the end of the week to reflect on the week’s activities – I would suggest at least one half-hour. Also during that weekly time, take a few minutes to reflect on how this material should be applied to your life and circumstances. Take a half day at the end of the month and a weekend at the end of the year so that you’ve got it so that it never disappears, to ensure that the past is even more valuable and will serve your future well.

Set Goals. While we are going to cover this soon enough in upcoming weeks, let’s just remember that your plan is the roadmap for how you are going to get to your goals, so you have to have them. Of all the things that changed my life for the better (and most quickly), it was learning how to set goals. Mastering this unique process can have a powerful affect on your life too. I remember shortly after I met Mr. Shoaff, he asked me if I had a list of my goals, and of course I didn’t. He suggested to me that because I lacked a set of clearly defined goals that he could guess my bank balance within a few hundred dollars… and he did! Well, Mr. Shoaff immediately began helping me define my view of the future, my dreams. He taught me to set goals because it is the greatest influence on a person’s future and the greatest force that will pull a person in the direction that they want to go. But the future must be planned, well designed to exert a force that pulls you towards the promise of what can be.

Act. Act on your plan. What separates the successful from the unsuccessful so many times is that the successful simply do it. They take action, they aren’t necessarily smarter than other; they just work the plan. And the time to act is when the emotion is strong. Because if you don’t, here’s what happens – it’s called the law of diminishing intent. We intend to act when the idea strikes us, when the emotion is high, but if we delay and we don’t translate that into action fairly soon, the intention starts to diminish, diminish and a month from now it’s cold and a year from now it can’t be found. So set up the discipline when the idea is strong, clear and powerful – that’s the time to work the plan. Otherwise the emotion is wasted unless you capture the emotion and put it into disciplined activities and translate it into equity. And here’s what is interesting: all disciplines affect each other; everything affects everything. That’s why the smallest action is important – because the value and benefits that you receive from that one little action will inspire you to do the next one and the next one… So step out and take action on your plan because if the plan is good, then the results can be miraculous.

Like we said last week, we are at the beginning of a fantastic journey that is going to help us become all that we want to – so let’s get going!